Anxiety

I have always suffered from anxiety but it has always come in waves. About two years ago, I remember it was the summer, I had bouts of extreme anxiety. I went to therapy for it for a little bit and my therapist tried to teach me some meditation techniques but I don't really think they worked because of my ADD. So I find my self here now again struggling with this stupid shit. At nights I'm on the verge of borderline panic attacks at times. I fear the worst for every situation for no good reason. I think what upsets me the most isn't the headaches, or the upset stomach the anxiety causes, but the fact that I know whatever it is that I am worrying about is completely irrational. I know most of my worries are irrational deep down but the problem with anxiety is that they become seemingly real legitimate things to worry about as if anything could happen.

I don't know why it comes in waves like this but when it rains it pours in my head. I'm trying incredibly hard not to let it ruin my current relationship but I seem to try so hard I trip over my own two feet which only breeds more worry and fear. There are nights when I lay my head down and my brain is literally going 100 miles an hour, my heart is pounding, the stress from the thinking and worrying causes all my muscles to tense up and gives me the gnarliest headache, and to top it off my stomach feels like it is in knots. Often times I wake up with the same sinking feeling the next morning.

I'm so sick of this perpetual fear and worry. Its can not be attributed to anyone person or thing in my life, its no ones fault that I feel this way because like I said before most of the time this anxiety stems from irrational fears and worries. Usually my only cure to this is to get reassurance that whatever it is I am worried about won't happen. That tends to satiate me for awhile. I know I'm not the only one with anxiety but I wonder if there is anybody I know who gets hit with it at the level that I do right now? I'm trying terribly, terribly hard not to let it ruin everything but it's an up hill battle. But whatever, fuck it, I won't let it ever get a hold of me fully because that would not end well at all. I'll win or keep it at bay somehow because I care way to much about somethings in my life to let my own paranoid brain ruin everything.