Cosmic Injustice

So this evening me and my mom were talking, about what I can't really remember. I think it was politics or something, or maybe the book I'm reading about evil, regardless she made the statement that The Lord God is the gold standard of everything that is good, to which I replied "that's debatable". Even as I made that statement I admittedly was kind of shocked at my self but not nearly as caught off guard as her. The point of this blog entry is not to prove or disprove God, or Christianity or anything like that, I'm not taking a stab at faith but I do have some questions and concerns I would like to voice and if anyone reads this be free to weigh in because I'm always open to a healthy debate.

I used to be a dude of faith, and I say "used" just because I'm not exactly sure where it is I stand right now. I tend to believe(I think) that there is a higher power out there that created this mess but I am now starting to wonder just how much the faiths of the world have to do with this omnipresent being. I've read the bible, I know most of the stories and I know alot but, not all of what it says on many various different subjects but after reading it and seeing what goes on in the world today some things are just not adding up or something just seems off and I cannot put my finger on it, all I can do is list my grievances. If there is a God and if it's the same "just" God that the bible speaks of, how do we explain the Holocaust, and the genocide in Rwanda, how do we explain war and other violent crimes that are perpetrated on a daily basis? I know some minister somewhere probably has some text book answer he was taught in Sunday school or his Bible College but odds are that answer won't hold water in the world today. I'm reading a book now about the "problem of evil" and as I read it I'm trying to have no faith based bias or anything but, simply read the book objectively. The book truly confounds me because the evil that runs rampant in this world is as complex as any human emotion. The intricacy of evil and how its so interwoven into the fabric of human beings is extraordinary and it causes me to wonder; If there is a God why would he instill in us the capacity to inflict such horrors on each other? or is there no god and this problem of evil is something purely man made that has been with us and taken its course like any other thing in nature?

Lets just assume for a second that we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is real. Not only is he real the bible had it right. Now out of the countless number of people who have walked the earth and died and the countless number who have been born and currently living on this planet were to die or get caught up in the rapture a very very very small percentage of them would actually be permitted to Heaven. There are just way to many people on the planet that believe something different from the bible and even those who supposedly practice Christianity will undoubtedly go to Hell because they are some of the most hateful people on the planet. So if the world worked the way the bible says it does and this small percentage of people get into Heaven while the vast majority is sentenced to Hell, this to me is the greatest cosmic injustice. To create such complex beings and then have them all perish seems to be a giant waste of time but I guess when your God all you got is time. Regardless it can't be right to send most everyone to Hell. Some piece of this puzzle is missing and I'm not sure the answer is in the bible. But, lets carry on and say you were one of the lucky few that got into Heaven but your mom, or dad or wife or husband didn't make the cut, is that truly Heaven then? If Heaven is really perfect should each person not have what it is they love most there? Death separates us from those we love and we offer each other comfort and solace by saying "their in a better place" or "you will see them again in time", but what if we don't? what if were just pawns in this God's game? The struggle of life that we face on a daily basis could end up amounting to nothing with absolutely no reward in the end of any kind. No peace in death aside from just not existing anymore, which is also a miserable thought to dwell on.

I guess one could take a humanistic approach to all this and blame all the cruelty in the world on humanity because any self respecting humanist will tell you that with out a God to scapegoat our problems on we can only take responsibility for our own actions. If this is the case were doing a piss poor job of that. God or no God we fuck each other over everyday and if at the end of the day we can't even pray to something or take refuge under an ideal or belief that brings us comfort things can often times seem terribly hopeless.

I guess in my personal struggle to find some sort of truth I am starting to find it hard to believe that God could be the gold standard for moral fortitude. I could be wrong, his ways as the bible says could truly just be beyond me and my tiny human brain just can't comprehend the things I see in the world. My own mind that this creator gave me is filled with these questions and doubts and inquiry's. How could he possibly be mad at me for questioning these things and being curious if nothing else as to what the unknown holds? At the end of the day I am still inclined to believe that there is a God or being that created all this but I guess now I'm just questioning his motives. I'll never find the answers until I'm dead but so long as I'm alive the search for answers will go on and the questions will continue to flow until I have some piece of mind. If said God is up there watching me type this blog, I would just like to tell him that a little clarity on things would be nice.