"The future is a ghost in the rain"

So if there is one thing I have come to realize that I hate it is uncertainty. Given that I hate uncertainty it should go without saying that the future freaks me out(hello motion city yo?). I know that some would argue that life should be all about "living in the moment" and taking things a day at a time but I can't help but let my mind wander years and years down the road. Its probably my anxiety that causes me to worry so bad about the future. I'm in a huge transitional phase of my life right now so I tend to be terrified at the thought of change, not because change it's self is bad but because I fear things will not work out in a ideal manner.

Change can be a good thing, stagnancy can make life stale and I know first hand that that is a miserable way to be. So though i acknowledge the value of change and variety in life it all comes back to the uncertainty. The uncertainty that goes hand in hand with change is what keeps me up nights. I am still in limbo looking for a job, still pondering where I want to go back to school, and trying to maintain my relationship and relationships with others. I want so badly to know that all these things will fall into place and that it will be as it should be. However as far off as it seems getting a job and going back to school are just short term goals at the moment. I even worry about stuff further off but given that it's further off the picture I paint in my head is a little more fuzzy. I worry about having a good career, what will happen with my band?, will I still be playing music or be able to play music?, will I be able to support a family let alone my self? I know at the ripe age of 21 these things seem impractical to sweat right now but the fact is that I do as silly as it may be.

If it were possible to see the future I think I would want to see how everything pans out for me. Even if I were to find out I die some cruel and unusual death at least I would savor the days leading up to it. I just want to know things are going to be o.k. I'm not sure if I believe that everything happens for a reason, I don't know if that's something I'm willing to accept right now, but I do believe that whatever happens is supposed to happen and we are always right where were supposed to be at the end of the day because it's our choices made out of our own free will that put us there. Even if the choices we make are bad or stupid, once they are made we undoubtedly end up where we are meant to be. I can only hope then I guess that the choices I make help me secure a brighter future for my self than I often times think I'm going to get. I'll keep the PMA as much as I can and just try to chill the fuck out. Honestly as much as I worry I always have a gut feeling that I will be o.k. in the end.